A RAMBLE THROUGH MY BRAIN

I LIE HERE AND THINK WHY ME, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS NOW I KNOW THAT WE ALL HAVE THE SAME THOUGHTS AT DIFFERENT TIMES IN OUR LIFES DEPENDING ON WHAT WEE ARE GOING THROUGH. I AM NO DIFFERNT THAN ANY ONE ELSE SO I SUPPOSE I SHOULD BE THINKING WHY NOT ME! REALLY I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE IN HAVING TO LIVE WITH CHRONIC PAIN AND I AM NOT ALONE IN MY QUESTIONING THE REASONS OR TO HAVE MOMENTS OF SELF PITY OR FRUSTRATIONS; I THINK THAT BECAUSE I AM A METAPHYSICAL SPIRITUALIST I ALLOW THE FRUSTRATION OF FOLLOWING MY BELIEFS TO SEEK A RESOLUTION WITH LIMITED RESULTS TO WEIGH HEAVILY ON ME. I HAVE THROUGH OUT MY LIFE SO FAR HAD A BATTLE OF SORTS OVER MY UNDERSTANDING AND THE MAIN STREAM MEDICAL SYSTEM, SO MAYBE THIS IS A TIME FOR ME TO FIND THE MIDDLE GROUND AND BE HAPPY WITH THAT. LOGICALLY I KNOW I SHOULD BE USING ALL RESOURCES AVAILABLE TO ME BUT THE CONFLICT OCCURS AROUND THE YEARS OF ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE I HAVE BEEN PRACTICING, MAYBE THIS IS JUST A PAINFUL LESSON TO SEE HOW RESOLVED I AM ON MY CURRENT PATH! APART OF ME BUYS INTO THAT THOUGHT BUT THEN THE OTHER SIDE OF ME BELIEVES THAT I AAM SURROUNDED BY LOVING ENERGIES THAT ARE HERE TO HELP ME; SO HERE I CURRENTLY SIT IN A QUANDRY OF THOUGHTS, PHYSICAL PAIN AND FRUSTRATION BLOCKING MY WAY. I KNOW THE PATHWAY TO MOVING FORWARD IS FINDING EXCEPTANCE IN MY CURRENT SITUATION; TO STOP FIGHTING MY SITUATION AND FIND THE GRACE IN THIS MOMENT IN MY TIME LINE. THAT IS FAR EASIER SAID THAN DONE! SO I WALK THE LINE. FINELY TUNED TO MY EMOTIONAL ENERGY; SOME TIMES FEELING I AM WINNING AND OTHER TIMES FEELING I HAVE NOT GOTTEN ANY WHERE. SO IN THIS CURRENT MOMENT IN TIME I AM EXCEPTING OF WHO I AM AND WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH AND I AM STRUGGLING WITH FINDING THE GRACE IN THAT, MAYBE I WILL HAVE A AWAKENING THAT GIVES ME THE ANSWERS I SEEK. I DO KNOW THAT I AM STRONG AND MAYBE MY PAST JOURNEY HAS AIDED ME IN FINDING THAT STRENGTH SO I WILL CONTINUE THIS CURRENT PHASE IN MY LIFE STILL OPEN TO SEEKING ANSWERS AND OPEN TO THE DIRECTION I NEED TO TRAVEL DOWN AND OPEN TO FINDING THE GRACE TO DO IT WITH. MAYBE THIS WILL ADD TO MY GREATER UNDERSTANDING OF MY ROLE IN MY CURRENT UNIVERSE; NOW THAT WOULD BE NICE. SO I MOVE FORWARD TODAY WITH HOPE IN MY HEART THAT I AM ON THE RIGHT PATHWAY AND IF I AM NOT THAT THAT I SOON WILL BE. BLESSINGS BE DEBRA RAE